Happy Valentine’s Day to all who are in love and to all who are still grateful for having been in love.
I am 53 years old now and I am certain I have never been in love as an adult. Sure, I have pretended that I had that wonderful emotion. But it was always false. I even got married to a beautiful young woman whom I thought that I was in love with. That marriage ended 5 years later.
When I was just 11 years old I had been in love. It was a boyhood romance in which I pretended that I was a grown adult. It lasted about 4 months and was wonderful. But I became cursed by myself because of the anguish of loss after that romance ended. I remember laying in my bedroom after I learned that I had lost her due to my own boyish foolishness of kissing another girl at a party. I had realized too late that I was feeling love. I was crying for a couple of hours. But when the crying was nearly over I became angry at myself. I swore to myself I would never feel that again and so the psychological imprint of my resolve became cemented into my life, perhaps permanently.
The rock n roll band Nazereth put it well to agree with my resolve in those very youthful years:
“Love hurts. Love scars. Love wounds and mars any heart not tough or strong enough to take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain. Love is like a cloud - holds a lot of rain. Love hurts. Love hurts.”
“They’re right!” I told myself. “If this great rock n roll band says it, then it must be true! So why would anyone want that?” That childhood resolve lasted a lifetime. Is that a sad story? Maybe not.
Don’t feel sorry for me because there is a trade-off. I have been very introspective through all these years. I have not been jealous or wounded and I have not hated anyone because of love. I have not wanted to hurt anyone due to love. I have not attempted to jump off a bridge. I have not lost all my finances to a lover. I have not had a nasty divorce that entangled children in the throes and trauma of family separation. All this and more I have dodged.
But that love in those many songs, that love that a human feels that is so strong they would do anything for the one they love has never been my own.
But I still listen intently to love songs. I still have that disappointment. But it fades very fast and I mostly feel happy for the songwriter and grateful to be able to imagine what they must have been feeling.
Of all the love songs I have heard I have decided upon one in particular that I think best defines being truly in love - that biologic bonding of two people. I don’t know if the genius musician and composer Prince wrote its lyrics but he sure did put it to music ingeniously. To me it best defines the extremity of what that feeling must be with fantastic melody and rhythm. I am sorry but I have searched the internet for a live demonstration of this performance and it is not readily available. But perhaps that is best for this post. Those of you alive in 1984 and enjoying pop music know it; The song is difficult to forget.
1984, Prince: I Would Die For You . . . the lyrics:
I'm not a woman
I'm not a man
I am something that you'll never understand
I'll never beat you
I'll never lie
And if you're evil I'll forgive you by and by
'Cause you, I would die for you, yeah
Darling if you want me to
You, I would die for you
I'm not your lover
I'm not your friend
I am something that you'll never comprehend
No need to worry
No need to cry
I'm your messiah and you're the reason why
'Cause you, I would die for you, yeah
Darling if you want me to
You, I would die for you
You're just a sinner I am told
Be your fire when you're cold
Make you happy when you're sad
Make you good when you are bad
I'm not a human
I am a dove
I'm your conscious
I am love
All I really need is to know that
You believe
Yeah, I would die for you, yeah
Darling if you want me to
You, I would die for you
Yeah, say one more time
You, I would die for you
Darling if you want me to
You, I would die for you
Two, three, four you
I would die for you
I would die for you
You, I would die for you
You, I would die for you
All rights reserved: James Gray Mason / End All Suffering, Feburary 14th, 2016.
#love #valentinesday #Prince #theRevolution #music #1984 #Childreninlove #romance #endallsuffering #stopallsuffering #JamesGMason #sol3 #timetravelwish
